This week’s 21 Secrets Live workshop was about dreams and symbols. Dreams as in your desires and wishes. Our instructions were to write “Trust Your Feeling” and “Trust Your Imagination” somewhere on our journal page, and then do a little visualization exercise where we were supposed to see a symbol and then use that symbol on our page. Ugh… it was all too reminiscent of my year of self-help workshops, and it didn’t speak to me at all. I tried the visualization, but got no dreams, no symbols, nothing. So I didn’t do the exercise.
The next morning I woke up and realized that all my night-time dreams for the last week or more have shared the themes of feeling lost, confused, anxious, and incompetent. A symbol immediately popped into my head– a big ? Why are my dreams so angst-filled right now? What does it mean?
So I decided to work with that. First I wrote down my crazy dreams, printed them out, and glued them to my page. Then I covered a two-page spread with paint, the two “trust” phrases, my question mark symbol, and whatever else came to mind. At the last minute, I decided I need wisdom and guidance, so I cut out a photo of Maya Angelou’s eye and put it in a compass.
I finished it last night; then, as I lay in bed, I put the suggestion in my head for my dreams to speak to me, to tell me what I need to know. I dreamed my entire house was full of poop! Oh dear. Dreams are so cryptic. What does it mean? I need to clean my house? Literally? Figuratively? Or I need to just give up and move, as the end of the dream suggested?? No answers yet, I’m afraid.
Here are my crazy dreams, for anyone who wants to actually read them:
Last week I dreamed that Dad was making me take his truck in to get the oil changed. His truck was a huge red pick up, and when I got behind the wheel, I had to sit on the very edge of the seat to barely be able to reach the pedals and see over the steering wheel. It was very difficult to maneuver, especially since it was way too big for me, and I was in an unfamiliar town. I got lost trying to find the service center. I was feeling very anxious about driving the truck and having no idea where I was going. I finally ended up at a mall, and the next thing I knew I was in the mall trying to get on an elevator with a bicycle!
A few nights later I dreamed I was at Apple in the break room, changing into my Apple shirt. I always have a tank top under whatever I’m wearing, but I suddenly realized I had forgotten to put the tank top on, so I was standing in the break room in my bra. Then I realized I had also forgotten my Apple shirt and my running shoes, and I was wearing jeans instead of shorts (which meant I was going to be too hot). I had to wear a long sleeve Apple shirt, the hot jeans, and flip flops, which aren’t allowed but it was all I had. I was going to try to go home at lunch and change, but on my 15-minute break I fell asleep in a bed somewhere, and went over my break time. At lunch I started walking (to go home maybe?) but I was in an unfamiliar town, and I went way farther than I had time for, and was late getting back from lunch as well, and never did get the right clothes.
Last night I dreamed that I had to go online to accept two scholarship offers. It wasn’t clear if they were scholarships for Karlie or for me. But the space to write the acceptance was pretty small, so I kept it very short and casual, even leaving out pronouns the way I sometimes do when texting. I received a letter back telling me that the scholarship offers had been revoked because of my “sloppy internet language.”
Last night I dreamed that my house was full of poop. I went into the bathroom to find that the toilet had overflowed, and there was not only poopy water, but big piles of poop in the corner of the bathroom. I started trying to clean it up, and realized that it had already gotten tracked all over the house and was in big piles in the corners of all the rooms. I decided I needed a shovel and a rake to make a dent in it, and that I would need to bleach the whole house. Mom came over to help and I was at a loss where to even start. It felt insurmountable, and no matter how much I cleaned there just seemed to be more. Parts of the floor had crumbled off, and the corners were full of poop and debris and possibly mold. I wanted to bleach the whole carpet, but knew I couldn’t, and didn’t know how to disinfect the carpeted areas. I was on my hands and knees swabbing and scrubbing, but I never felt like it was making a dent. At the end of the dream Shaylie asked me why we were moving to an apartment, and I told her it was the only way to get a fresh start.