Why do I feel so guilty when I’m not working? I usually get scheduled to work on Thursday mornings, but had an extra morning off yesterday. I kept feeling like I should call in and let them know I was available if they needed any extra hands. I didn’t really WANT to work, but I felt like I SHOULD work, so not calling in and volunteering felt lazy and irresponsible. I felt like I should be trying harder to make some money instead of lollygagging around the house.
When I feel like that I also find it hard to focus. Fortunately, I had already started a page in my art journal, and was able to pick up where I left off and finish a page I actually like. That somehow made the day feel more productive.
Can you find the three hidden fairies?
I’ve been feeling hot (between the obnoxious weather and my own internal furnace burning up with hot flashes) and distracted (with moving Karlie up to Berkeley and all the drama and trauma that has involved) and having trouble focusing on art. The other day I decided to just try to do 15 minutes a day of drawing, sketching, or some kind of art practice. I went back to my art journal and created a messy collage, then sketched a frumpy woman and a disproportionately big cat. Ugly, but my point wasn’t to make something pretty, just to make SOMETHING. So I kept going, and after painting the woman I thought, “She looks like an uptight woman with a secret.” Then I looked at the cat and thought, “And that cat looks like it knows a secret!” The caption for the piece popped into my head, and in spite of the ugly, I decided I kind of liked it.